During the past two months I have really tried to concentrate not only on loving myself and what makes me happy, but also what do I want out of a potential spouse. I believe that first you must love yourself, before you expect someone else to love you. Also, you should know what you want in a relationship AND what you plan to contribute to a relationship. If you know these things, I believe it keeps you from getting “lost” in someone or the idea of someone.

That being said, I am of the age that I do have that desire and yes, “the marriage bug”. Yet, in recognizing that this is what I want (sooner rather than later), I have actively gone about being truthful with myself (and others) in regards to what I want and expect from my future spouse. And quite frankly, if the man I’m talking to doesn’t match up, he’s hittin’ the bricks pretty quickly.

Now you may ask yourself, “How the hell do you even know, if you’re not giving the dude time?”. But, part of this is due to the fact that men that have come my way are men that I have known a while. I feel like I make my expectations very clear. And not only that, but I also make what I feel my role should be very clear. Now, if these things don’t match up, there’s very little to discuss. No hard feelings. You’re just not the one for me.

In the event that someone should cross my path that I don’t know (which I imagine will happen at some point), I’ll just have to lay it out to him as well.. I mean, no, I’m not trying to run anyone away, however, there’s nothing wrong with letting someone know where you’re at and what you want.

I know I’ve got to just sound ridiculously high strung. But, in reality, I’m a very easy going person. I just know what I want. Not only in a spouse, but in life. I’m not willing to compromise on those things. And I don’t think that’s wrong. Men do this all the time and no one even thinks to challenge them. If a woman doesn’t match up, he simply cuts her loose without a second thought. Folks look at me and call me coldhearted. I’m cool with that though. I just laugh because I know it’s not true. And I honestly think there would be fewer marital problems and divorces if folks would just be real with themselves and each other before it gets that far.

That’s all I’m trying to do. =]

Dear tumblr,

I haven’t forgotten about you. I promise.

#thatisall

graduation gave me the opportunity to just sit back and reflect.

so i did. i took off time from work to basically sit back and chill for a few days. why? because i felt like it. felt like i deserved it. i did deserve it.

it was a long trek to get where i am now. one not just full of taking classes. no. that’d be waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy too easy. nope. i worked. i went part time. i went full time. i juggled a social life. had distractions. many, many distractions. relationships. failed relationships. transferred. a couple times. “did my thing”. didn’t “do my thing”. but i kept on. and now. i’m done.

for the moment anyway.

ma pause m’a donne le temps de comprendre ce que je veux vraiment faire.

and when i realized what that was, i also realized how irrational it was. but i don’t care. in life, you should do what you want. do what makes you happy. don’t let others dictate your dreams and shape your life.. it deprives you from fulfilling your desires. and that would be a shame. 

so i’m in the process of making my wants realities. and this in itself makes me happy.

momentarily abandoned my tumblr… an update in photos.